I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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