Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
