This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
