I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
