She's JV to your varsity
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
