i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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