so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
