Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
