we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you never un-have a 4some
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
