I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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