Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
