The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
