Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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