Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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