whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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