I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
