How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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