No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's official drugs can't kill me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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