You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I've blown a few things in my day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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