And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want a musical about memes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
