i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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