so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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