we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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