That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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