if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize