that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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