I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
