I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
