hotel room ftw
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
