rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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