If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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