this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
