im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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