k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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