Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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