weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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