so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it because I queefed?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
