PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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