Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
