I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
