allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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