Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
