She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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