Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Four minutes until I can fart!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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