If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
