WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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