I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
3pm strippers are depressing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When did angry sex become our thing?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
