we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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