Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
