I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
