the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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