I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...