yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.