even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."