I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.