My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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