1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish you could order shots online.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
