It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
