Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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