the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is Oprah even human
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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