don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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