Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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