Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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