I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
