he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
