She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
