worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
