i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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