Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
