He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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