why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
