so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
