It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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