You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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