im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
