I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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